Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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