Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
