Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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