I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My cat gives me a boner
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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