you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
