they need to just BURY HIM!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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