Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
