I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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