what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize