who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
