my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
