i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
