so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
