I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
