I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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