I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
