She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
