So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
