Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize