even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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