Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
