That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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