Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
