I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
