the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
