Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he thought i was a dude.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
