You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
