oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
