Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize