I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
why is half of my head shaved?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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