I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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