I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pussy is not your playground.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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