If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
