Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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