Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
