i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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