OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
