I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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