Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
