A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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