Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
