Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize