All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
