He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
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you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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