you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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