my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
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I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
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An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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