Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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