I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
