I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
