i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
