what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
