Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
