giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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