it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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