I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Bring me that man meat
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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