She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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