I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
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i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
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I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I wear drunk well.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I party with great urgency now.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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