yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
