We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think people are normalizing furries
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
